Those Times of the Day…

12/27/2009
There are times when the moment comes to you. You are wrapped in cocoon of thoughts. At times I write my thoughts down. Have you ever read things that you wrote, yesterday or years ago? Who is that person? Aren’t they amazing? Aren’t they silly? Aren’t profound?
Why do we have these times, if we are lucky? “Take time to smell the roses.” That’s the time I’m talking about. Can you be there? How do you create these moments; or do they, only, create themselves?
I think I’ve had these times all of my life, even on my worst days. But, there is no time to stop. You store the information for future reference or it is lost forever. Perhaps, you never take the time to retrieve those moments. Perhaps, you are too afraid to retrieve them.
My life has found those moments. I can’t believe I am so lucky. My entire life has been focused on survival. Focused on doing what I have to do to get through the day, to get my loved ones through the day. I am at peace. I feel safe.
I remember sitting in “the magic swing” (I’ll tell you what that is some day.) saying, “I have never felt so safe in my life.” It was a stunning revelation. I had been afraid all of my life. I was afraid that if I made one more mistake, the world would come crashing in on me. I remember saying one time, “It couldn’t get any worse.” Then, it did!
No, this is not about sadness. My students (I’ll tell you about them sometime.) would say when I was “making light,” “What do we have to laugh about?” I would say, “There is plenty of time for sadness when you go to “lock-down”; sometimes, we need time to be ourselves.” …the person we were intended to be (thoughts for the future).
This was one of those times when writing and thinking takes on a life of its own. You rarely take time for your heart to speak.
This seems to be the end of my thoughts. I leave you much to reflect upon.